Written by: V Woods
I know Your Name, Saith the Lord
That fight you constantly keep having with church folks which leaves you upset to the point that you give in your resignation and moved on to another congregation; or you just plumb up and left the “church”, or the body of Christ.
You might start to doubt the relationship you thought you had with Jesus and even consider that, “you know what, there might not have been a relationship there in the first place”. You know that weird feeling you get, especially when you are accustomed to hearing from God and all of a sudden, it’s like you’re fighting a chasm filled with blackness and there isn’t anything coming through for reassurance, comfort or to propel you into that next level. At least not as far as your eyes or ears can see or hear.
And it is at this very perilous time, that hell will open its mouth and unleash tangible darts filled with black poison, which in your weakened state of being separated from brother, sister, husband, wife, pastor, son, daughter, prayer partners. Even the very person who tormented you and kept you on your knees is gone from your life. It is at times like these, deep in the night watch, you look at your situation and cannot see the ending, but know that if there is a hell on earth, THIS IS IT. All sermons you have heard about fighting the good fight of faith has eluded your mind and even as you were called to be a bulwark to others, you quit that job heading into this period of spiritual blackness, because those poison darts from the reached their mark and you did not have the strength to fight them off.
It is at this point, when you think that you can’t go anywhere other than up, a series of rashes and sores break out on your face: for in this period, you can scarcely remember to eat properly or any at all and your physical structure starts to deteriorate along with the spiritual. It culminates to a dark night where outside it is raining and inside is just as dreary, the tears start to come slowly at first, then in running puddles. You are hiccuping and whimpering at the same time because your spirit feels as if a little puppy have inhabited it and you can empathize with a dog that have been tortured and maltreated, so you whimper.
You just might start to think at this point in your life, is this from God? Is there a God? If there is a God, why am I going through this kind of torment? Where is everyone I fed into, prayed through, delivered, counseled, and prayed with through their afflictions? Where are those who were so spiritually linked to me, that I would think a thought and the next day they would call and tell me what was on my mind?
On the back of all the ailments you crawl to the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror and see the breakouts on your face start to pop on their own volition with pus running while mixing with the tears, this triggers in your mind the Psalm of Asaph, which is a holy cry of OH GOD, “In the day of my trouble I sought the Lord: my sore ran in the night, and ceased not: my soul refused to be comforted. I remembered God, and was troubled: I complained, and my spirit was overwhelmed. Selah. Thou holdest mine eyes waking: I am so troubled that I cannot speak” Ps 77:2-4 KJV.
It is when you have reached this apex of despair that you feel as if something has broken off you and there is a flow which feels as if it might be supernatural, you start hearing a voice saying, “and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Hebrews 13:5 KJV). The whimper which had been coming out of you turns into a full throbbing sob, wherein the tears feel hot and scalding; the voice persists now, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6 KJV).
You start to feel the Jesus you used to know and thought had left you awakening within you; the sores are still running, but you are glorying in the fact that at this point in your walk with your Savior, He has somehow brought about an awakening in your darkness; His Spirit is still visiting hell and triumphing over the demons, I believe it was King David who bemoaned:
“Whither shall I go from thy spirit? Or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:7 KJV).
Beloved, when the trials, testing, temptations, and the very good which you swore to uphold turns against you and you inadvertently venture into hell’s cold doors as a living entity, you will not walk alone, Jesus will be with you. If you are able to know that as you are going through, those who surrounded you when you saw glory in what you were doing for Christ, will not be with you and they will never be able to assist you through it all. God requires that in the work he wants to accomplish in your life, that He alone gets the glory and I beseech you to remember His name, “Jealous” (Ex 34:14 KJV).
But in your quietness, when you think He has forgotten you and your mind can’t be too careful if He remembers you, know that He knows your name, you are precious to Him. He spoke to His servant Isaiah about a king named Cyrus and said, “I have even called thee by thy name: I have surnamed thee, though thou hast not known me. I am the Lord, and there is none else, there is no God beside me: I girded thee, though thou hast not known me” (Isaiah 45:4, 5 KJV).
But remember, you did not “come this far in life to give up” and although you might have believed a lie from that evil one “every now and then”, especially when you were going through, God knows your name and He knows your final destination. And those sores will heal without a trace. I don’t know if you can trust this word; I’m not sure if you can look beyond what is happening to you and see light; are you able to gain back a little momentum and feel a kick of fight boiling up within your stomach? Can you start a holy rage within you that you fell for the trick of thinking God had left you?
Beloved, if you feel any of those things, know that your end of torment is a thing of the past. Love on your Lord right now….